You know that feeling of having a really challenging day, nothing seems to be going well, and you just have no more patience left? There's a word for that: this state is called "dysregulation" and it simply means that our bodies, from the inside out, are receiving and transmitting signals of stress and distress. Functionally, being dysregulated provides certain advantages under certain conditions: enhanced sensory perception, quicker movements, faster reflexes, elevated pain threshold, and even hormonal shifts that support intense focus and attention. Unfortunately, those same benefits of dysregulation can be challenging in other situations. The physiological response mechanisms are the same whether we're being chased by a bear or a work deadline, and, if we aren't attentive, we may speak or act in ways we regret later on.
In that dysregulated state, we are often convinced of three things: (1) there must be "a" (best/right) solution, (2) that solution must be huge, significant, and (probably) hard to do; and (3) that solution will make sense as soon as we see it. I’m not sure where these beliefs come from, but this tendency leads us to discard solutions and strategies that we come up with or that others offer to us, simply because they don’t make sense or don’t seem like they will make enough of an impact.
In other words, we tend to discount the simple things.
2. Hug, belly-to-belly. Hold each other for at least twenty seconds, or until you feel your bodies relax.
3. Repeat several times each day - as often as you think of it - for a week. Or, a lifetime. (Here’s a PDF version of the complete instructions.) I know. Simple. While you may already be talking yourself out of trying it, let me give you some information: beyond its surface level of warmth and affection, the Welcome Home Exercise offers a myriad of relational, mental, and physical health benefits that are virtually guaranteed to enhance your quality of life. At its core, the Welcome Home Exercise fosters a deep sense of connection and security within relationships. It won't create trust and security where there isn't any, but it will protect and support any that does exist in the relationship. When you greet your loved ones with a warm embrace upon their return, you communicate that you accept them, appreciate them, and support them. Neurobiologically, this simple gesture strengthens the bond between two people, creating a safe emotional space where both parties feel understood and valued. Over time, consistent displays of affection like the Welcome Home Exercise can cultivate trust and intimacy, laying the foundation for resilient and fulfilling relationships - whether they be romantic partners, family members, or friends. The power of touch should not be underestimated when it comes to mental well-being. Numerous studies over the past 50 years have shown that physical contact increases oxytocin and reduces cortisol. These two hormones are central to our dysregulation and to our ability to re-regulate. The Welcome Home Exercise, therefore, acts as a natural mood enhancer, promoting feelings of relaxation, happiness, and contentment. Regular, consistent and predictable affection can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, providing a comforting buffer against life's challenges. Whether that appeals to you for yourself, or for your loved ones, by incorporating the Welcome Home Exercise into your daily routines, you prioritize emotional connection and cultivate a positive mental outlook for everyone involved. Beyond its psychological benefits, the Welcome Home Exercise also has tangible effects on our physical health. Embracing a loved one triggers the release of endorphins, our body's natural painkillers, which can alleviate discomfort and promote overall well-being. Additionally, the act of hugging stimulates the vagus nerve, leading to a reduction in heart rate and blood pressure. Over time, these physiological changes contribute to a stronger immune system and improved cardiovascular health. By embracing the Welcome Home Exercise, we not only nurture our relationships but also boost our body's resilience against illness and disease. So, there you have it. It’s too simple. And it doesn't cost a fortune. You don't even need a prescription. But, seriously - try it for one week. Talk it over with your people and see what they think. The Welcome Home Exercise is much more than a simple display of affection; it is a powerful tool for promoting relational connection, mental wellness, and physical vitality. To receive more great tips like this one in your inbox, sign up for our newsletter! It’s FREE! This article represents the opinions of DeepWatersLPC LLLP. The content presented does not constitute professional therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This presentation does not establish a therapist-client relationship; the information being presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The inclusion of any specific therapeutic approaches, techniques, or resources in this presentation does not imply endorsement. The content provided is general in nature and may not be applicable to specific individuals or situations. It is essential to consult with a qualified mental health professional for personalized advice based on the unique circumstances. References: Ditzen, B., & Heinrichs, M. (2014). Psychobiology of social support: The social dimension of stress buffering. Restorative Neurology and Neuroscience, 32(1), 149-162. https://doi.org/10.3233/rnn-139008 Floyd, K., Debrot, A., Horan, S. M., Hesse, C., & Woo, N. T. (2022). Affectionate communication, health, and relationships. Personal Relationships, 30(1), 44-75. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12444 Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner's brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger Publications. Tatkin, S. (2018). We do: Saying yes to a relationship of depth, true connection, and enduring love. Sounds True.
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